I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
