tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
