Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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