my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
