Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We don't watch enough power rangers
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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