Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
