Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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