just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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