Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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