She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
