New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
