i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The power of my boobs compel you
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
