An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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