I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
