I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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