The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
