he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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