Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
