thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
