I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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