I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
