all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
