dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
