So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
