When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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