woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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