I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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