I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
