This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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