was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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