put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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