oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
