dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
