Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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