Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
too bad you live with your parents still
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
