No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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