4 words: hood of his car
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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