When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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