tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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