When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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