My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize