Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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