Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
