I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
