Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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