I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
