Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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