one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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