he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
