M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
