I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
