I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
