Redeem this text for a blowjob
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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