I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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