this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
