I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
