well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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