you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
