Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
