I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
