It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
