very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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