I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
