He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
