we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
