Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
