Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize