I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize