toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had to cum in my sink.
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