I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
