Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
