i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
