i need an iv and a liver transplant
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
