You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
